Behind These Hazel and Onyx Eyes
by Love Brings Pain
Summary: Songfic. Sequel to 'The Game'. This always happens. We fight, break up, then make up. Everytime the cycle begins again, I find myself losing more and more pieces of my heart and pride, and I can't pick them up anymore.


**This is not one of my best stories ever, but I decided to post it anyways. I'd like some feedback so I can fix a few things to it later on. I'm actually going to write another one later on, so it's Courtney's POV for all three seasons. **

**This one takes place when Courtney is voted off of TDA and is still obsessing over the fact that Duncan had voted her off. Courtney's a bit OOC, but I don't know exactly how Courtney would be all lovey dovey so I just gave it a shot.**

**And forgive me if some things are out of place-I didn't really watch TDA or TDWT; I just watch the parts Duncan and Courtney are in. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Total Drama _ (insert word) and I don't own the song **_Behind These Hazel Eyes. _**Kelly Clarkson owns it. **

**Behind These Hazel (Onyx) Eyes**

_Seems like just yesterday,_  
><em>You were a part of me,<em>

I sit in my bed at the Playa Des Losers Hotel yet again, replaying my thoughts on Duncan, and how he reacted towards my thirty-two pages of rules. I mean, what is up with him? I thought he loved me, so wouldn't he do anything for me? Who votes the person they love off? I would never vote him off-true, I would choose the million over him, but he would do the same.

I sigh. It seems to it was just yesterday that he was beside me, his arms wrapped tightly around me...

_I used to stand so tall,_  
><em>I used to be so strong,<em>

I was so much stornger before I met him, so much independent. Now every thought, and everything I do has me thinking about him. I mean, what about him broke me down? I had so many walls up; why did it have to be him tearing them down?

_Your arms around me tight,_  
><em>Everything, it felt so right,<em>  
><em>Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong,<em>

I stare at the television, and see me and Duncan cuddling, happiness in our eyes. How did it go so wrong? We were so happy, so perfect for each other, invincible. A tear falls from my onyx eyes and stains my cheek.

_Now I can't breathe,_  
><em>No, I can't sleep,<em>  
><em>I'm barely hanging on,<em>

I've been hearing the Duncan and Gwen rumours, and when I think about it, it doens't seem so impossible anymore. Duncan and I aren't exactly together anymore, and I know Gwen's been wanting him since she first saw him. They claim they're friends, but it's obvious it's more than that. And it makes me...sad to see Duncan with someone else. I can't breathe, I can't sleep, I can't eat...I'm slipping from my perfect life and it's killing me.

_Here I am, once again,_  
><em>I'm torn into pieces,<em>  
><em>Can't deny it, can't pretend,<em>  
><em>Just thought you were the one,<em>

This always happens. We fight, break up, then make up. Everytime the cycle begins again, I find myself losing more and more pieces of my heart and pride, and I can't pick them up anymore. As much as I hate to admit it, I honestly thought that he would be the one.

_Broken up, deep inside,_  
><em>But you won't get to see the tears I cry,<em>  
><em>Behind these hazel eyes,<em>

I'm all broken up inside, but I won't let anyone see. No one will know about this. I mean, how would people think about Courtney Parker, the good girl, falling for bad boy **_Duncan Evans_**? Not something good, I tell you. I've spent my whole life striving to become who and what I am today, and a stupid punk like him will not bring me down. My mask's too hard for anyone to truly see behind it anyway.

_I told you everything,_  
><em>Opened up and let you in,<em>  
><em>You made me feel alright,<em>  
><em>For once in my life,<em>

Rarely has anyone seen me, the real me. Everyone gets to see the preppy, uptight, bossy, controlling and _fake _Courtney, but only Duncan has really seen the shy, sweet, cheerful, talkative and _real _Courtney. He made me think that maybe hiding behind a creul mask isn't as great as it seems.

_Now all that's left of me,_  
><em>Is what I pretend to be,<em>  
><em>So together, but so broken up inside,<em>

Now, all that's left is the fake Courtney, who tries her absolute best to look okay and unaffected while inside she's weeping and broken. I'm pretending to be someone I'm not because the real one's been destroyed beyond repair.

_'Cause I can't breathe,_  
><em>No, I can't sleep,<em>  
><em>I'm barely hangin' on,<em>

No matter how much I lie, no matter how much I want it to be true, I'm still missing him. So as I replay over and over again the moments when I yelled at him how much I hated him, I'm thinking about the lies I keeping telling over and over again, and thinking if he ever really saw through them.

_Here I am, once again,_  
><em>I'm torn into pieces,<em>  
><em>Can't deny it, can't pretend,<em>  
><em>Just thought you were the one,<em>  
><em>Broken up, deep inside,<em>  
><em>But you won't get to see the tears I cry,<em>  
><em>Behind these hazel eyes,<em>

I growl in frustration as I wipe away the stupid tears. I have got to get myself together before someone walks in to me pitying myself. He won't get the satisfaction of seeing me cry over him.

_Swallow me then spit me out,_  
><em>For hating you, I blame myself,<em>

I hate him, I really do. But I hate myself for falling for him. All he ever did was use me to get Gwen. I'm just the ladder. He needed to climb me in order to get to the actual prize.

_Seeing you it kills me now,_  
><em>No, I don't cry on the outside,<em>

Everytime I see him doing a challenge, it kills me. It feels like a million knives piercing my heart over and over again. I would always shed a tear or two, and Bridgette would stop her current make-out session with Geoff to ask me if I'm okay. And I always put on a fake smile and say, "Whatever. Just got something in my eye."

_Anymore..._  
><em>Anymore...<em>

No, I refuse to cry for him anymore. I'm over it.

_Here I am, once again,_  
><em>I'm torn into pieces,<em>  
><em>Can't deny it, can't pretend,<em>  
><em>Just thought you were the one,<em>  
><em>Broken up, deep inside,<em>  
><em>But you won't get to see the tears I cry,<em>  
><em>Behind these hazel eyes,<em>

When he wins, I run up to hug him. "We're rich!" I shout, the fake side of me coming out. But really, I'm just happy for him. I wanted him to win the whole time. But no one needs to know that.

"What do you mean 'we're rich?'" He asks, irritation setting in.

I wince slightly, but cover it up quickly. "Every king needs a queen." I reply, kissing him. I see him looking a bit dazed and I smile. Maybe he does truly does love me.

But he will never know how many nights and tears I'd wasted on him. I'm just living the moment, holding onto it before our roller coaster makes another scary drop, and maybe this time around, I will truly be unfixable.

_Here I am, once again,_  
><em>I'm torn into pieces,<em>  
><em>Can't deny it, can't pretend,<em>  
><em>Just thought you were the one,<em>  
><em>Broken up, deep inside,<em>  
><em>But you won't get to see the tears I cry,<em>  
><em>Behind these hazel eyes<em>

**Please read and review!**


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